Why None of my best friends are Women...unless it's my future wife

My best friends are always there for me. They are there when my grandma dies.  They are there when my car is in the shop and I need a ride.  We go on vacation together and eat meals which consist of meat and dessert.  They are there when I had a break-up.  They pick me up when I'm down.  They celebrate with me when we have successes.  I would do everything in my power to help them if they ever needed it.

My best friends are loyal, courageous, a bit crazy and never a dull moment.  But there is something my best friends will never be: women.

I am not saying quit talking to everyone of the opposite sex you are not related.  No, in today's world, you are going to always have to interact with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse, sibling, parent or child.

I am saying step back and take a look at your relationships and ask a few questions the next time you are with the opposite sex.

1. Would I want my spouse having this conversation with the opposite sex?
I am a terrible judge of women's fashion and trends.  I don't get it.  I probably never will.  So, yes, I'm going to ask a woman for her opinion on buying jewelry or some other gift.  I'm also going to ask for advice from my mom if I get into an argument with my significant other.

But if I'm having a relationship issue, I'm keeping that to people of the same sex.

One is just so my significant other does not get opened up to gossip and the rumors among friends (and guys talk about other people's relationships, too).

The other is I would never want my significant other to be talking about our problems with one of my friends.  He then is put in the awkward situation of taking sides (terrible idea) or giving advice which he might use to exploit, and not help.

Women also prefer the emotional connection deep conversations offer.  By sharing deeply with them in a personal setting, they also may become vulnerable to feelings.   Keep it to your own gender.  If you need more advice and want perspective from both sexes, then approach a married couple older than you.  They are going to offer more insight than your single, opposite sex friend anyway.

2. Am I asking the opposite sex because I've lost trust in my own gender?
Have you ever heard a woman say this:
"Women are just too much drama.  I prefer talking with guys."
Guys, have you ever thought this:
"Well, my bro's don't want to hear about my problems, and I don't want to come off weak."

Why are you saying these things?  Is it because the past, someone you thought you trusted did not follow through with their end of the bargain, shared with others your problems and it lead to more problems?

People do get burned.  It does hurt.  But are you then reaching out to the opposite sex because you do not want to get hurt?  Reach out.  Try to repair.  It might feel like baby steps.  But in the future, you will be helping your future marriage (see previous question if you need to know why).

3. Have I ever had a romantic attraction to this friend? Have they?  Do I know?
I remember in university I had a couple of friends who were women and I never thought nothing of it.  But then at one point, a woman who I only ever thought of as a friend came and told me she liked me. 

Well, everything after that was just peachy.

No actually it wasn't.  It was painfully awkward, and she eventually ended up not being my friend anymore. 

I thought I was just being nice.  But I think she saw me being a nice guy as something more.  Ladies, I'm sure you have had something like this happen before.  It's the whole "mixed signals" issue. 

The way you can avoid "mixed signals" is just not to have to send signals.

I hope you don't view all your relationships with the opposite sex as scary, now.  No, on the contrary they should be as Scriptures put it:

"Do not rebuke an older man, but appeal to him as a father.  Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters with complete purity."

1 Timothy 5:1-2

But, don't treat your future spouse like your sibling.  That would just be weird.  They're your spouse!

What to Do When No One Notices

I think there is something in the human soul that needs to fulfill a deep longing.  It's the idea we want to make a difference.  It is something small, maybe.  But it is something that people need.  People need people to care, and notice.

Take for instance this blog post.  It will probably be read by one or two actual people.  The rest will be bots, who will try their best to get me to use their service so that this blog will get more page views.  Look, if I wanted pageviews, I'd be on Facebook, blast it to Twitter, and see if marketing would get me somewhere.  But my worth, and everyone's worth for that matter, is not in pageviews, likes, follows, retweets, subscribes or going viral.  It's in just being.

I came across a comment on a post I wrote nearly five years ago and realized it was still getting views.  Why?  Who cares?  What does it matter?  Why do people still look for the same article?

People are lost.  That's why.  People come to the Internet because there are answers.  Why do you think there are less arguments in bars?  People just google answers, that's why.  People are calling our the people who would talk a good game, and putting them in their place.

But there are some things which the Internet will never, ever fulfill.  If you read this post, do you get that?  No matter how much time you spend watching a video, you still aren't with the actual person.  I'm in my third long distance relationship.  I get what it means to be apart.  Skype and FaceTime are not the answer.  It's being in person with someone, device-free, with no distractions that actually means something.

Are you afraid of silence?  Are you afraid of actually having a conversation with a stranger.  It's just easier like and share.  That speaks, right?

No, it doesn't.  It doesn't get people anywhere.  It's not a real relationship.  My uncle and aunt are thousands of miles away.  Seeing their pictures is nice.  It allows me a temporary comfort to think I am a part of their lives.  I'm not.  My cousins couldn't pick me out of a line-up.  Me seeing their life temporarily doesn't do anything for them. They don't notice.

Do you notice?  Do you see the people around you?  Do you know you have a greater purpose beyond fame, fortune and pleasure? Do you know you were made for greater things?  You were made to have an impact!  Do you know you can?  It's not about notice, it's about purpose.

People do notice.  People will miss you when you are gone.  People want to know you as more than the video with the epic fail, the person who has a cool instagram page and even if you hit the big time and have your own show and have millions of followers, you still have more to offer.  And even when everyone notices, will it still be enough to satisfy?

Probably not. Ever.

Why Your Blog Failed

So the year was 2007. You received your shiny new Dell out of the box. You finally had WiFi built into your computer. The world was waiting for all your new thoughts. You were going to be the next great blogger. So you signed up on blogger.com. You were ready!

Fast forward six years. Your iPhone has the smallest keyboard that is able to also be functional. 140 characters is all the rage. Your old blog hasn't been seen in 4 years. The follower you do have is on a much cooler site now. And nothing happened. You were going to change the world. But instead, the world changed around you. My blog failed. Badly. Today was the first time I looked at it in years. It turns out it may get 5 visits a month. Usually it's to read my post about Facebook and how no one remembered my birthday once I was off of Facebook. Now, they might just see why blogs fail,and then read my post on Facebook.

Here's why I failed at my blog. Perhaps it will match one of your reasons:

1. No one else read it. So why would I keep writing. Let's face it, if no one gave us reinforcement of our actions, we would not do them. If most of America did not receive a paycheck, they are not showing up to work Monday because they love it. They show up because they need to function in society. No one cared, so neither did I.

 2. Posts were all over the place. The reason bigger blogs succeed is because they talk about one specific thing. I don't check out Down Goes Brown for news on soccer. If I want in depth Steeler news, it's not through thePensblog. No, I didn't specialize. So I had no audience. So, I had no visitors. So I stopped caring.

3. Everyone else stopped using blogger. Seriously. I know of no one else on this site. People moved on. So did I.

4. So no one will read this, either?!? Eh, I'm done.

Giving credit where it's due

The Iraq will be coming to a close. Read it.

Thank you military.

Good job with keeping a promise, President Obama.

Chivalry is not dead, but it's getting close

I've heard a lot of things about how the modern man needs to relearn how to serve the woman. I think there is something missing from our society and I think men do need to remember to serve women better as a whole than we probably do now.

But what happens when a man is not allowed to serve?

I witnessed this today as I was taking a trip to the airport. A woman with a very large piece of luggage had some difficulty getting on the shuttle. A man saw she was struggling, and offered a seat to the woman, who looked like she might need a seat. She refused, even after the guy stood up and pointed to the seat. So, he sat back down. He was just trying to be nice, but his kindness was rejected.

This is handcuffing for a man. Now, he might remember being rejected for his kindness. If I were him, I'd be hesitant to try and help again. If it ends in rejection, then what's the point?

The same goes for looking for a relationship, in my opinion. If I see a woman who is never going to ask for my help, I'm not going to ask her out. Why? Because if she does not want me or at least make me feel like I'm being helpful, then I'm not going to look at that and say, "oh there goes my future wife." I'm going to say, "there goes a woman who is on her own and could care less about me. There's a woman who does not need me."

Maybe the woman thought, "He thinks I'm old. I'll show him." Maybe she thought, "He thinks I'm weak. I'll show him." It could have been the thought, "He thinks I'm helpless. I'll show him." But the guy was probably thinking, "I'll serve this stranger and try to be kind."

I understand there is a spirit of independence among people, especially Americans. We can do it ourselves. But sometimes, it's being kind to just allow people to be kind to you.

I care by not caring

How much are we supposed to be caring?

To be honest, I am dreading the 2012 election. I'm a white, male, pro-business, pro-Capitalist, pro-life, pro-gun, pro-balanced budget, Christian.

I realized I probably offended you.

It might be time to show how much we care, by not caring.

We have to rank things on a scale of importance. Here is mine:

1. Sharing the Gospel (but this is my job, too)
2. How are my family and friends
3. If my car dies, how do I replace it?
4. I'd like to get married someday...
5. Why can't some of my friends get decent jobs?
6. If UCO Pittsburgh runs out of funding, what would I do?

Let's admit some things: our sphere of caring usually starts with our immediate lives. If people lose their job--which seems to happen more--they're not going to be worried about Middle East relations and our relationship with Mongolia as a country. Heck, they may even stop caring about recycling. When money was tight for me, I made $11 trading in aluminum cans to a scrapyard. Boy, it was not worth it.

Now, let me compare my cares with some of the cares I saw when I visited my relatives in the Philippines:

1. Will I work today?
2. Can we put food on the table today? What about tomorrow?
3. Will I make it if I get hurt in an accident?
4. Will I be able to afford to go to the hospital?
5. How can I get some better clothing? Something without holes?

So, maybe my resolution is to stop caring about the political news. As long as the government doesn't collapse, then today is probably going to be a pretty good day, all things considered. There is tragedy in our country. But tragedy is not having your parents still using AOL. It's not still having a regular TV. No, tragedy is not driving a 1990 Chrysler LeBaron, with the mirror taped to the door.

Marie Antoinette said, "Let them eat cake." The peasants of France were starving, and inside her royal lifestyle, she had no idea what was going on in the rest of the world. She just thought they didn't have enough vegetables and meat with their meal, and said they should just go straight to the cake.

With over 1 billion people living on a dollar a day (it might be more now that we inflated our money), it might be time to care more about simpler things. It also might be ok to not care about certain things.



**Note and correction: Marie Antoinette may have never said let them eat cake. Also, it would have been from a lack of bread, not meat and vegetables.

Finally?!?

Obama releases his birth certificate.

Big deal. Who cares. This was the dumbest argument ever. I was ashamed it happened in the first place. This is almost as dumb as when people said Bush caused the World Trade Centers to fall and the levies to break in New Orleans.

Thank God this is done. Sick of it. We have bigger things to worry about, like the fact we're spending ourselves into destruction.

Also, no one wants Donald Trump to be president. No one.

Finally, happy Easter!